Frank Behrendt: Thousands of good reasons to grow old together

On your wedding day my Facebook friend Elke posted wonderful pictures that showed her and her husband Jörg in different life situations. Excited to be at the wedding on an old Black-and-White photo, while others show love on the occasion of their silver wedding, on the summit of a mountain, at a Party. “Nothing is, of course,” writes Elke, “even after 38 years of marriage, the fire of love is burning in our hearts.” I had read a goosebumps, as in the case of the lines of Adel Tawil.

“You’re doing everything else, you unload me

Put my mess in boxes and throw it all out

When everything in me is loud and I find myself unable to listen

You bring me down again like a day at the sea”

The English photographer David Weightman, the stories interested behind couples who already went extremely long with each other through life. That’s why he went for his photo project “The Secret” to weddings is always to the guests, the decades resulted in long-term relationships. Often it was the grandparents of the bride or of the groom, which he scanned and then art and photo documents created that release the viewer, like the paintings of the great masters.

Life is not a dress rehearsal

As impressive as the images, are the individual stories, the betrayed long-time couples. Judith, for example, for almost 50 years, with Alan is married, said: “Different opinions are good to keep the others on their toes.” I had to grin, because my mother had given my father time life double. Often caused heated disagreements, but it was never boring and your marriage arbitration of a judge, but at the end of the death. As they had it in front of the altar at the beginning of the 60s with a deep look in the eyes promised. Les and Fay, a for over 50 years, a married Couple, said the photographer the secret of their long marriage: “together through the hard times and enjoy the good times. You’re only here once, this is not a dress rehearsal.”

“We are still awake

We laughed to tears

Your heart is the Beat

The world is perfect, if

You next to me lying”

Also, the above-mentioned Elke wrote in your Post that you made together with your man through valleys, and that there was sun, rain, snow, lightning, and Thunder. But they worked together every day to not let it get you down and live together happy in the Here and Now. Admirable. My former Coach and Co-author of my current book, Bertold Ulsamer, had given me on the way that a long-term relationship work. A Lot Of Work. “Run away is always easier,” he had said to me in a Coaching session, and unfortunately, a lot of couples apart-in fact, when the first serious storm is brewing. The divorce lawyers happy, but every separation brings a financial and emotional shambles, with.

Even if still about every third marriage in Germany fails, there are encouraging statistics which document that the divorce rates are continuing to decline. The American psychologist and scientist John Gottman studied, what is the main reason for the Failure of relationships. Result: incorrect or lack of communication. Its tip, in order for relationships to keep for a long time: Open, trusting, and the Partner turned to acting, communication and each other with respect. Absolutely riveting, and truly not rocket science.

“You think I’m on the ground

I trust you blind

I feel weird easily if

We are together”

For me, my grandparents and parents have always been role models when it comes to consistency and reliability. I remember that my father once told me that his father gave him a lecture, calling him to the responsibility, pointed out that he received as a young husband and father before my birth. “Boy, you said with a loud voice before the altar, YES, you must remember that always. So no antics do”, he should have his eldest son at the time announced. “Antics” was a typical word in our family, the designated exhibit unreasonable behavior. Everyone knew what was meant. Absolutely reliable, it should be my old man. He was in it.

In the meantime, I carry responsibility for my three children and my marriage. For many years, I am married with my wonderful wife and when she says “I would marry you again and again”, it makes me happy. We laugh often together, for me this is one of the main reasons for a working relationship with no expiration date. Currently, the children play a Central role in our colorful (family)life. But eventually you will be out of the house, and we are then back to second as at the beginning of our relationship. That was and is not a boring time. Until it is, but so far, we enjoy continuing our joint years with the kids. Each new day is for us, an absolute gift, and often the matching Soundtrack comes to the great happiness of Adel Tawil.

“I have 1000 good reasons

But the most important to you

And with each new day

A new reason to come.”